Broken Dreams

Driving down the old winding Georgia roads brought an unexpected lump to my throat and tears that welled up in side of me. ”That’s odd” I thought…. But as we continued our drive past our previous ranch- I realized that my heart still deeply longed for the dreams that were once made, but now lay in the ashes of my life.

The selling of our ranch- In moments like this- feels like a failure. It feels like we lost so much traction in life… Previous to purchasing the Ranch- My husband and I had put in 10+ years of intense work and countless struggles to plan, dream and build what we had. We didn’t have a “rich Uncle” (or any family member for that matter), to rely on or help us out. All we had was; bank loans, bank notes, the savings (of a cow herd) and the BIG dream of owning our own ranch.

We purchased our ranch- and dove right in. From sun up to sun down- we worked tirelessly and endlessly. We pursued the the big dreams of creating a fully functioning ranching lifestyle. We even began to pursue the dream of building a house for our children…. But, ‘life’ had a different plan. And the dirt we hoped to build on, is no longer ours. The gates that were once open, are now locked- and we no longer hold the key.

At first I think, “I want to go back and change things. I want to go back and do better. I want to go back and change the way it all ended.”

But what if my “better ending” is NOT the way it supposed to be. What if the broken dreams and broken promises are what pushed me to dream bigger and pushed me to pursue a new path?

Even if I could go back and change things- How could I go back and make the hard days easier? How could I eliminate the intense struggles?

And even if I did- Would I really be doing myself justice?

Are the hard days what I needed to get me through what’s coming next? Were the challenges that I faced before, put there to stretch me and grow me for the challengers that I have yet to conquer?

Life is funny like that… It gives you hardships, struggles, pain, loss, broken dreams and broken promises.

But it also gives you the chance to start over, start fresh, make a new plan and then: Dream BIGGER.

If you are human- you too have experienced something like this; A broken dream or broken promise that has left you with an immense sense of failure. A sense of longing to change the past and have a “do over”.

But, what you need to realize is that, “the dream you once had, was simply not big enough for the dream that is yet to become.” (Read that again…)

Although I lost what I thought was my ‘biggest dream’, in return I gained so much more.

Because of the struggles, because of the pain, because of the hardships- I gained the treasure of a new dream and a new promise for our family. I would have never explored or even considered the path were are now on- had the broken dream and broken promise never come to pass.

I now know that my vision of owning our own ranch and building a house (although it was grand), was not the ideal adventure for our family at this time.

Life gives you what you work to create, and sometimes it doesn’t…. Simply because there’s more to your story.

There’s more to learn. There’s more to become. There’s more growth that needs to happen.

The key to finding the path that you are meant to be on, is being open to the change that comes- even if it takes walking through the broken dreams and broken promises.

Looking back today, I can see how all the struggles, pain and loss, prepared us for the adventure we have now stepped into. I could have never (mark my words), I could have never happily lived in a ‘tiny home’ with my husband and 5 children. The adventure of traveling full time wasn’t on the radar- because of the ties we had to ranching. I wasn’t prepared to work alongside my husband and cherish his love and support for me. Previous to all the struggles, I was not ready to lay down the parts of me that were not serving me.

But because of the struggles, because of the pain, because of the hardships, because of the trials, I am a different person.

I am, who I am meant to be today.

I now know what I am capable of. I now know what I am worthy of. I now know more of my strengths and my weaknesses.

I am a diamond in the rough, but as long as I allow the broken dreams and broken promises to shape me and not break me, I will look back on the roads traveled and see the fulfilled dreams and fulfilled promises that will continue to help me shine brightly.✨

~BE BLESSED~

XOXO~Natosha Mae